I walked up to the refrigerator that held my verse for the week and laid my forehead against the inked words of life. “If I could, I would physically take these words right off the page Lord and deposit them into my brain…” I sighed. Why is “renewing” so often times the hardest task of all?
I lay hold of a verse, I gladly receive it, write it out with joy, place it all over my house to remind me to think it, pray for it, do it and then… I turn around and do the exact opposite of what I’m supposed to do.
I find myself complaining.
Gentleness is lost in the moment it is needed most.
I’m so… so weak.
I forgot to pray about “that”!
Become a Parent
There are many areas of life that show me just how much I need the Word, but none so much as motherhood. Gaah! I think I’ll take to telling people from now on, “If you want to be humble, become a parent.” It’s hilarious to me that I am put in charge of teaching young minds things that I myself need to be taught. It creates such a desperateness and sometimes, hopelessness, in me that I am racing to bring both my children and myself up to the standard of the Word of God and most of the time, I fail.
The fridge turns on and buzzes against my head and I turn to check the laundry in the dryer before the annoying buzzer goes off- the buzzer NONE of us can figure out how to turn off since moving here because there is no switch or button to be found anywhere on this thing! “Why can’t You just soak me, drench me, Lord, till I am dripping the Word like my wet laundry? Why can’t I remember the scriptures at the time I need them most? And how- HOW am I supposed to teach this to the kids if I myself don’t get it?”
Spot Cleaning My Own Heart
Lifting the dry clothes into the basket from the dryer and lifting the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer and starting the cycle all over again feels a whole lot like my life right now. See a stain, wash, tumble, dry. Repeat. If I had a dollar for every time I have said, “Didn’t I just wash this?!”, I’d be a very rich woman. The need to do laundry is never-ending in this family, and the need to “spot clean” is never ending in my life.
Didn’t I just pray about this? I thought I had taken care of that “stain”! As much as I wish it were a physical process like my laundry, spot cleaning the heart seems to take a little more time and focus. “My kids will all be grown by the time I clean up this blemish…” I think in my most grumpy thoughts… but then… didn’t God say somewhere, “Talk with them, walk with them, “along the WAY”???
Along the Way
“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth” (Deut 11:18-21)
I think I get it now Lord. I’m never going to be able to teach from perfection, but I can sit down and talk with them along the way… along HIS way. Maybe, just maybe somewhere, along the way, we both might learn with each other. Maybe while I share and teach along my way, their way in Him will be made a little surer. Perhaps if they learn from my way, their way can be a little easier. Maybe, my way becomes more firm because I am willing to invite them… along the way.
The dryer is now humming along and I return to the memory verse on the fridge with determination afresh. My eyes will be fixed on His Words, in my heart, in my mind and I will continue to teach those He has entrusted to me, along the way.